{"id":1943,"date":"2019-03-09T11:20:00","date_gmt":"2019-03-09T17:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/?p=1943"},"modified":"2019-03-09T11:20:02","modified_gmt":"2019-03-09T17:20:02","slug":"after-i-heard-the-words-its-cancer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/?p=1943","title":{"rendered":"After I Heard the Words, “It\u2019s Cancer”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

As the author of After\nYou Hear It\u2019s Cancer: A Guide to Surviving the Difficult Journey Ahead<\/em>, I\nthought I understood the magnitude of the impact of a cancer diagnosis on\npatients. After all, I had written about it at length \u2013 describing that instant\nwhen one hears words so powerful that his or her world comes to a grinding\nhalt, and future dreams dissolve in an overwhelming cloud of anxiety. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But when, earlier this week, I heard: \u201cYou have\nmetastatic cancer,\u201d I was completely unprepared to deal with such devastating\nnews. At that moment, I was no longer the author who wrote about the cancer\njourney \u2013 I was a patient thrust into unfamiliar territory and acutely aware of\nthe fragility of life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s my story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After resting for several days following a minor\nmedical procedure, I hit the gym on Saturday, intent on regaining my stamina.\nBut after only a few minutes of exertion, I felt incredibly winded. I chalked\nit up to several nights of poor sleep and the after-effects of anesthesia. By\nMonday, I was still feeling fatigued, but there was something more\u2026my heart felt\nlike  it was racing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though I was scheduled to play tennis that afternoon,\nmy wife convinced me that I would be far better served to stop by her office\nand let her listen to my heart, check my blood pressure, and measure my oxygen\nsaturation. I reluctantly deferred to her and cancelled my game. I am glad I\ndid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We discovered that my blood pressure was abnormally\nhigh, as was my pulse (nearly 40 beats per minute higher than normal).  Furthermore, Lori thought she detected an\nabnormality in my heart\u2019s rhythm. So off we went to the emergency department.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because of my symptoms, I was taken back and immediately\nand evaluated for a heart attack. Thankfully, that was quickly ruled out\u2026though\nevidence of some rhythm issue was present. The ED physician ordered a CT scan\nof my chest to rule out other potential problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Four hours after arriving at the emergency department,\nthe results of the CT were back. As the ED physician walked into my curtain-enclosed\nbay, I said, \u201cCan I go home now?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou are not going anywhere,\u201d he responded, before\nhanding a copy of the radiology report to my wife. She looked startled, as she\nbegan to read. The physician turned to address me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have a number of masses in your liver. The\nlargest is 6.4 centimeters. You appear to have metastatic cancer. Do you have\nany questions?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I blurted out as a wave of uncontrollable nausea\nand dread enveloped my body. \u201cI don\u2019t feel well. I think I\u2019m going to pass\nout.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t remember what happened next, but Lori said I\nappeared to have a seizure, then blacked out. She said she couldn\u2019t find a\npulse and shouted for the nurses. The cardiac team rushed in and prepared to\nresuscitate me. Fortunately, that turned out not to be necessary. When I came\nto, the ED doctor was nowhere in sight, nor did he come by again to check on\nme. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I spent the night in a hospital room that could have\ndoubled for a broom closet. It looked as though it had not been renovated in\nforty years. I lay in bed trying to wrap my mind around what I had heard, and\nwhat I stood to lose. Life took on a preciousness that I had felt only a handful\nof times in my life. I was not ready to let go, to give up all that brought\nmeaning to my daily existence, and I prayed to God that I would have a little\nmore time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t sleep much that night \u2013 between the impending\ndiagnosis and being constantly awakened by nurses\u2019 aides wanting to take my\nvitals, machines screeching in protest because there was a problem with my IV,\nand the simple discomfort of being far removed from my secure home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next morning, Lori and I impatiently awaited a\nliver biopsy. A transport aide showed up mid-morning and told us I was being\ntaken to ultrasound. We presumed it was for an echocardiogram of my heart\n(which had also been ordered), so I told Lori to stay put and I would see her\nshortly. As the aide wheeled me into interventional radiology, I said: \u201cI\nthought I was going to get my echo?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cYou\u2019re here\nfor a biopsy,\u201d she said curtly. In a sense I was relieved that it would soon be\nbehind me, but I felt badly that Lori had no idea where I had really been\ntaken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The interventional radiology team was compassionate\nand competent. After numbing my skin and providing some light sedation and pain\nrelief, the radiologist used ultrasound imaging to guide a very long needle\nbetween my ribs and deep into my liver. He repeated this process four times \u2013\ntaking small tissue samples with each pass. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I looked up at the monitor and saw the largest\nmass, I asked: \u201cIs there a chance it\u2019s something other than cancer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He responded, \u201cThere\u2019s always a chance, but it does\nlook like liver metastases to me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the procedure ended, I was wheeled into a\nrecovery area, where I received incredibly compassionate care from a nurse\nnamed Bailey. By then, Lori had been told what was transpiring and she was by\nmy side. We had to stay in recovery for four hours to make sure there was no\npost-procedure bleeding. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later that day, I was discharged. Now, there was\nnothing to do but await the results of the biopsy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lori and I tried to remain upbeat in the face of devastating\nnews. When I would get weepy, she would remind me that there was always a\nchance that things would turn out okay. She told me that, intuitively, my\ncondition did not make sense to her\u2026that patients with advanced metastatic\ncancer to the liver were generally vastly more ill. I took comfort in those\nwords coming from an experienced radiation oncologist, but I still struggled to\nhave faith in a positive outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was no news on Wednesday. Late in the afternoon,\nwe ran over to Lori\u2019s office so she could take care of a few loose ends. As we\nwere approaching the medical building, which is ensconced in trees and heavy\ngrass, I thought, \u201cWhat a powerful omen it would be to see deer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we rounded the curve and approached the driveway, I\nspotted a deer standing stock still just feet from the curb. It didn\u2019t move as\nour car approached. Before I could say anything, Lori turned to me and said:\n\u201cThat feels like an omen\u2026a good omen!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re reading my mind,\u201d I exclaimed\u2026surprised that\nwe were in such synchrony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time we left, more deer had congregated a few\nyards from our car. The omen seemed all the more real. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
What felt like a powerful omen…<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Because it was Ash Wednesday, I had suggested we go to\nchurch and pray. My wife has a profound sense of faith, and I knew how much it\nwould mean to her to attend. I\u2019m so glad we did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

An orchestra and a choir performed, and the music took\non an unusually powerful resonance. I hadn\u2019t felt God\u2019s presence in a long\ntime, but I felt it strongly that night. We prayed for strength and hoped that\n\u201cthy will\u201d would be to keep me around for a while, though such an outcome was\nclearly out of my hands. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On Thursday, we hung out at the house until mid-day, anticipating\nthe call that would likely determine my fate. Finally, tired of waiting, we went\nto run errands \u2013 including a planned stop at church to pray more.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We were just pulling up to the post office when my\ncell phone rang. It was my primary care physician.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJohn, it\u2019s Chris. I\u2019m looking at your biopsy report.\u201d\nHe hesitated for only a moment before blurting out: \u201cBENIGN!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I exclaimed, as though I couldn\u2019t possibly\nhave heard him correctly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBenign. You don\u2019t have cancer. The pathology came\nback indicating you have a hemangioma.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, my God, I feel as though a death sentence has\nbeen lifted. Thank you. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I turned to Lori, tears welling up in my eyes: \u201cI\ncan\u2019t believe it\u2026it feels like a miracle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt is a miracle,\u201d she remarked. \u201cI\u2019m so grateful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAs am I. Now we need to go to church \u2013 to thank God\nfor his mercy.\u201d To which Lori quickly nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are still tests to be run and results to be\nconfirmed, but the outlook is infinitely brighter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The experience was a powerful reminder of how\nimportant it is to live each day fully, to honor God, and to be profoundly\ngrateful for our loving relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it was also something more. It made me realize how truly life-altering a diagnosis of cancer is for those patients who do not receive a reprieve. As I said when I began this story, I thought I understood the impact of a cancer diagnosis. The truth is that I didn\u2019t really have a clue \u2013 not until it was my life on the line \u2013 my future suddenly clouded by the incantation of two words:. \u201cIt\u2019s cancer.\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As the author of After You Hear It\u2019s Cancer: A Guide to Surviving the Difficult Journey Ahead, I thought I understood the magnitude of the impact of a cancer diagnosis on patients. After all, I had written about it at length \u2013 describing that instant when one hears words so powerful that his or her […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[151,40],"class_list":["post-1943","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-after-you-hear-its-cancer","tag-cancer-diagnosis"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1943","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1943"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1943\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1947,"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1943\/revisions\/1947"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}